What I hate about dieting is the hunger lifestyle that takes over my mind, against my better judgment. I diet for about 2 weeks and all of a sudden I turn into a junkie. I am a food junkie. The first step is admitting you have a problem right?
It positively cannot be mentally healthy that I weigh my self daily, view my stomach from every angle and time out all my food intake to a tee. Breakfast? 7:00am, snack? 1 0, lunch? 12, snack? 3, possible second snack? 4, dinner? 6, desert? 8. I eat all day long and when I am not eating, I am thinking about eating, what I am going to eat next, what I would rather b eating. I would say I spend a good two-thirds of the day thinking about eating. What’s more, even though I eat at regular intervals (mostly veggies or fruit) I am still starving 90% of the day. I never eat until I am full. I just had my first snack of the day, 1 wedge of laughing cow Swiss cheese, light. No crackers, too much fat and the cheese is good alone. I am still hungry, but no longer starving so that with the help of a 20 oz bottle of Diet Coke I can make it to lunch.
The cult of the hungry. I think about food and hunger all day. I even enjoy my hunger. Its like my enemy and best friend all rolled into one. The longer it hurts, the more fat my body is consuming, the happier I am. The longer it hurts, the more I want to stuff my face, the unhappier I am. When I am hungry I feel thinner. I only weigh myself when I am hungry, never when I am normal or full. I think I look better hungry. I love going to bed hungry but then I dream about creamy cheese and ice cream. I love the feeling of eating a low fat ice-cream on a diet and knowing I can still lose weight, but I love hunger more. It’s a powerful energy, and terrible energy drainer. It is sick.
What will happen, as it always does, is that I will really begin to enjoy my hungry. Hunger is my best friend and worst enemy on a diet and I will give in to it less and less until I have cut out all snacks and am eating perfectly portioned meals – and then the fun comes. That will go on for a week; maybe two and then I will LOSE IT. I always do. I’ll consume my fridge left over pasta, left over fish (I hate fish, but who cares). Then it will start again.
The cult of hunger is a cycle and I can’t break free.
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False high yesterday or false low today? I’ll Know Tomorrow. You know what? I am kind of hungry.
